I was in the Sea Org for 17 years. I followed orders, I tried to forward “command intention”. I worked long hours, for little pay, and did all I could to assist the group to the neglect of myself. The datum of “greatest good for greatest number” was somehow twisted to the 3rd dynamic being more important than any and all dynamics — so sleep, study, auditing, exercise, clothing, personal belongings, relationships with family and friends, and anything else that was not post production, was second to the all mighty group.
This does not make sense when compared with basic LRH philosophy or even LRH technology on personal ethics. In fact — it is completely contrary to them.
When I left in 2005, I was a shadow of my former self. I was uncertain, anxious, and full of self-doubt about myself and my capabilities. I did not like myself as based on all of the indoctrination I had received over years at the Int base, I was a non-productive, out-ethics, disaffected cat.
Over several years, being on the other side of the planet from the hell hole of Int, and in a beautiful environment with caring family, I destimulated enough to see that it was not actually me that was the problem.
I became, a friend to myself again. I became unstuck from much false data and many lies regarding who I am and what I can do. I shed labels, and confronted and handled PTS situations and got a grip on my own personal integrity and purpose. It is like night and day to my earlier life.
My journey is very similar to that of so many other people who have walked through the looking glass and found themselves looking back at years spent within Corporate Scientology, as a parishioner, as a staff member, or as a Sea Org member.
The journey out of the confusion starts when you become a friend to yourself.
“Affinity, Reality and Communication are actually the interplay’s of Life active in the physical universe.
“When you communicate with an antagonistic person, you have to enter into an “affinity” and a reality of 2.0. When you show affinity for 1.0, which is FEAR, you inherit the communication and agreement level of the 1.0. An individual, to escape this inevitable transaction, has to be above 4.0 on the tone scale.
“In order to have an understanding of yourself, you must have good ARC with yourself.
“It is NOT evil to like yourself or love yourself. It is very low toned not to be fond of yourself.
“All the dynamics are interactive. If you love others you will love yourself. If you hate others you will hate yourself. If you hate men, you will hate along the other dynamics even when you cover it with “sympathy” as you will discover in a later act.
“A healthy state of being is to be a friend to yourself. If you have few friends, if you don’t like friends, you won’t like yourself either.” LRH, Handbook for Preclears