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By Lana Mitchell

I am not known for being an angry person.

Anger is not an emotion I regularly find myself caught in, or unable to move out of.

I have a son however, who becomes angry, and then has a lot of trouble becoming “un-angry”. Once he is into that emotion, he finds it hard to “turn off” the anger, and he has real trouble being at cause over the situation he finds himself in.

There is no reasoning with an angry person — and my son can stay angry for hours, with every word and action in that tone, making him more than difficult to be in the same space with.

There are many factors that contribute to a key-in — the obvious one being body rudiments. So when a young body gets over tired, or very hungry, then the potentiality of a key-in is much higher.

And of course when the person is motivator hungry – having committed some undisclosed overt or withhold – then key-in is almost a guarantee.

As a parent, if I am very tired or worn down after a long day, my tolerance and TRs for dealing with a reactional anger is not as good as it should be. But most times when it does occur, I have been able to practice my own TRs and my own use of the Tone Scale to move him out of anger.

What I have found works is:

  1. Get in his body rudiments with wholesome food.
  2. Prevent any continued or further overts by running tight control and discipline.
  3. Assume the tone level of BOREDOM and just don’t move out of it until he moves out of Anger.

It works every time.

The anger fades and then my son becomes bored. And then he finds something to do that is not destructive and the anger episode is completely forgotten (by him at least).

Afterwards I work to get him to look at these episodes – to get “outside of himself” and look at what happened, how he feels, and what occurs when he gets so angry. And this too diffuses it – as he pulls outside of the condition and is able to get as-isness.

The anger is happening less and less — which is something I am relieved about.

I guess from the view of a parent, an adult and an auditor, the more we can do to assist another person to get at cause over emotions they are effect of, the better.

We have many basic tools we can use to achieve this – and for my son this means moving him out of anger at the world, and bringing  him up scale till he is back to his regular  good-natured self again.  I am glad I can help him with this.

 

6 thoughts on “Anger management

  1. Just BEING the “calming” influence (cause) helps both of you to get back from being / going effect. I was watching a rather dramatic scene on Monday night when we went out to celebrate our daughter & grandson’s birthday celebration, at a “Spur” restaurant in a large shopping mall. A highly irate male customer was making a huge scene at the entrance, just meters from where we were sitting.

    The man was at the centre of a sizable crowd, consisting mostly of the restaurant staff, and the the manager. The customer was threatening to go to the national franchise holders and sue them for contemptuous treatment by this local franchisee. The Anger was turned way up over the top for maximum effect, no doubt intended to humiliate the management into some kind of capitulation.

    I sat, fascinated by the unfolding drama, wondering how the manager would react to this extreme provocation

    The self control shown by the manager was something to behold.
    When the customer finally paused to take a breath from his tirade, the manager seized his chance! He immediately moved forward into a position just centimeters from the man’s face! —instantly closing the distance —and virtually occupying the same space! (I am very familiar with this manoeuvre, since we often use it to surprise a physical aggressor, intent on an attack!)

    The manager had taken the customer by surprise, and had suddenly become quite REAL to him using this opportunity to express some unexpected AFFINITY, and even more unanticipated COMMUNICATION to him. He said in a warm, calm but strong voice:

    “Sir, I am devastated to find you upset like this, and you have every right to be. I value your patronage as a paying customer. I want to keep you as a customer, and do whatever it takes to keep you coming back. You are important for our business, and your satisfaction is what we strive to achieve.” He then kept totally silent, allowing the surprised patron to respond., all the while keeping “in” the man’s “space” while wearing a sincere smile, with what any Scn’gst would describe as great TR-O. The man hesitated, stammered, and said that he “was” upset, then softened his stance, and tone, and muttered that he WOULD be coming back, and if his concerns could be addressed, it would not be necessary to take this up with head office.

    The man retreated and left rather sheepishly, with his family, while repeating that he would definitely be coming back.

    (Of course any Scn reader would recognize this action as the old familiar “reach and withdraw” put to work. And WORK, it does!)

    I went up to the reception table and told the manageress what a great handling I had just seen. Shortly the manager arrived at my table, crouched on his haunches and confessed what an ordeal that had been. Well, suffice to say, that after 15 minutes with my own auditor’s hat being put to much appreciated use, a formerly “exhausted” manager, stood up and thanked me profusely, for being such a “good listener” as he was on the verge of throwing in the towel himself, although his training and “handling of the customer” belied his feelings completely. I just finished by reminding him that he had “taken more heat in the kitchen” than anyone I had ever seen. He line charged and turned around, seemingly re-invigorated, and went off babbling to his staff with jokes and good humor.

    What I’d like to remember as a rather profound experience, all things considered, while enjoying a family birthday celebration.

    Ah yes, Lana. To be, or not to be, the calming influence! .that, may be the pivotal question? No matter with the comments, fact is
    VWD to you, you’re doing a truly great job of child raising there!

  2. Good handlings. You could also give “throw him a change-up” (to use a baseball term) once in a while by dropping down a half a tone or so to Monotony or pretending that you have a head-ache. 🙂

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