I spent many years in Scientology, and though I progressed up the Gradechart to a marked degree, I never really trained as an auditor, other than as a solo auditor for my OT levels.
I think this was my failing as a Scientologist, as though I learnt basic principles and felt I understood them – not having spent hours in the chair, working with the tech, I still have questions, uncertainties, or simply things I had little reality on.
When the Golden Age of Tech came out in the mid 90’s, I dutifully did my Study Certainty Course, and then did my SOLO Certainty Course – but again, something was not quite right. Yes, I could chant at a wall, and answer “What do you do?” questions – but I was always good at school at memorizing information, and that really did not mean that I had learnt the information or made it my own. I found in most of my study of Scientology that I was going through the motions of study but not really evaluating information for myself – not looking at and testing information to see if it was true, for me. If it worked, for me.
I don’t think I am alone in this. I unfortunately feel that we lost a key aspect of learning in Scientology decades ago – and that is this point of actually evaluating and testing the information for ourselves – seeing if it works, and is true, and gaining certainty on the basic principles by applying them. The loss of the co-audit – and the rise of the professional PC who just pays higher rates to get audited and does not need to audit another – is, I feel, where we lost Scientology.
I left the church 4 years ago – or maybe I should say I “slipped away” from the church 4 years ago. I stopped attending events, stopped going to the org, and simply disappeared off the grid. It was a relief, as I had questions and uncertainties, and everything had come to a rather confusing mess for me.
But I started again, taking one step at a time, and looking at information I had “learned” and evaluating each datum for myself. Testing it. Looking over it thoroughly. Using it.
I started by doing simply Self Analysis on a niece. Simple, easy – but really done for the purpose of me experiencing and seeing for myself that the information is true, that it does work, and actually can work miracles. We had a wonderful time – and she had huge wins.
I am now auditing Book One on a neighbour. Again, my purpose is just to test the information for myself – to find engrams, to deal with locks and secondaries. To gain reality for myself. To evaluate the information and use it, personally.
I wish I had done this years ago. I really do. But somehow I got caught up in just taking information based on Authority and group agreement. And being scared to ask, challenge or question anything I was being told (fear of being sent to the Ethics Officer, or being hauled in by someone and raked over the coals). And that is not right.
I think I started becoming a Scientologist at the point where I started to think for myself. To look at, to evaluate, to test and apply basic principles – and that has given me surety and stable datums that I can then think with and operate with.
Here is a superb article from 1951 where LRH talks about this very point:
“Mechanically, the major think wrong with the mind is, of course, the turbulence of the physical pain engram, but the overburden of information in this society is enforced education that the individual has never been permitted to test. Literally, when you are told not to take anyone’s word as an absolute datum you are being asked to break a habit pattern forced upon you when you were a child. Your instructor in Dianetics could have told you what he found to be true and invite you to test it for yourself, but unless you have tested it you very likely do not have the fundamentals of Dianetics in mind well enough to be comfortable in the use of any or all of the techniques available to you. This is why theory is so heavily stressed in Dianetics. The instructor can tell you what he has found to be true and what others have found to be true, but at no time should he ask you to accept it – please allow a plea otherwise. Test it for yourself and convince yourself whether or not it exists as truth. And if you find that it does exist, you will be comfortable thereafter; otherwise, unrecognized even by yourself you are likely to find, down at the bottom of your information and education an unresolved question which will itself undermine your ability to assimilate or practice anything in the line of technique. Your mind will not be as facile on the subject as it should be. It is not through courtesy that you are being asked to check your data – you are being asked to become much better auditors by resolving your basic and fundamental concepts.
“Any quarrel you may have with theory is something that only you can resolve. Is the theory correct, or isn’t it correct? Only you can answer that; it cannot be answered for you. You can be told what other auditors have achieved in the way of results, and what other auditors have observed, but you cannot become truly educated until you have achieved the results for yourself. The moment a man opens his mouth and asks, “Where is validation?” you can be sure you are looking at a stupid ass! That man is saying, bluntly and abruptly, “I cannot think for myself. I have to have Authority”. Where could be possibly look for validation except for himself, the physical universe and into his own subjective and objective reality? “ LRH, Dianetic Auditor Bulletin Vol 2, Number 1, 1 July 1951 “Education and the Auditor”