By Tom Martiniano

Arriving in the outside world from within the Scientology world is an interesting transition.

There is a destimulation that takes place, a key out that occurs, and a relief to be out of an escalating insanity.

But there are many things I miss.

First and foremost — the purpose and intention that I experienced there. I know I am not alone in my views that there is an void that seems to exist when it is gone.

I miss being surrounded by able, competent Scientologists.

I miss telling someone that I’m keyed out and having them understand what I mean.

I miss telling someone that they are theta. How do you describe that to someone else?

I miss the excitement of working as part of an industrious team, where there is passion and honest hard work to get something difficult achieved. Sometimes with the odds that had been thought to be impossible.

I miss saying that someone is Dev-Ting me. How do you translate that out here in the world?

I miss letting someone know that they are nattering, which registers to them that their harsh words are indicators that they have overts in the area they are nattering about – not just giving constructive or valid criticism.

I miss having real terminals that I can trust, rely on, and talk frankly to about matters that are dear and close to my heart.

I miss being around people who have done the Communications Course, and use and apply those basics to the result of great animated conversations.

I miss going to muster and hearing good news of what was achieved and what we are going to do next.

I miss saying I am ARCXen (now I have to be miffed or mad or angry).

I miss being able to say I was line charging. Belly laugh just does not seem to cover it, no matter how big your belly is.

I miss telling someone that the movie I saw made me exterior. Now I have to be “high” or something icky.

I miss the effort to have my stats up. Out here many seem to think it is better to be a victim with downstats and most don’t use statistics at all.

I miss being around people who are OK on being wrong, and don’t insist on being right every single time. Out here everyone is right, and they let you know it.

I miss all-hands renovations. Who needs help?

I miss getting a commendation from someone. Out here you get a phone call but you can’t file it in your ethics file. There is no record.

I miss calling roll to lots of enthusiastic students in the academy, each one working to be the best auditor they can be.

I miss having a withhold or two from my senior(s).  Adds some real challenge to the day, no question.

But I don’t miss the current scene in the Church.

And I definitely don’t miss Miscavige or any of the crazy, twisted, upside-down world he has created.

I miss the actual Scientology world – before it was corrupted into something else quite sinister.


22 thoughts on “The outside world

  1. All so true! The number of cut comm lines were enormous. Changing your identity through witness protection or dying are the only things that come close. My Int went out for a good number of months and I literally felt like a ghost. Establishing comm lines with others who were out and resuming my studies very happily resolved the matter.

  2. Hey Tom, very excellent write-up. Much appreciated. These are exactly my views as well.

    I miss the group, the “togetherness’, the common purpose and the game. I miss Friday night after-grad at the local Greek restaurant or eatery and all the crazy conversations we had. I miss my friends and I miss what it was all about. I miss the tough days on staff and even some of the late night all-hands. And while I’ve developed some extensive comm lines and relationships out here and tagged along on some cyber groups, nothing but nothing has ever come close to what it was like when on staff and training or auditing and training others. Nothing. And for me, that’s DM’s greatest overt outside of the destruction of Scientology and the CoS: his destruction of our purpose and the game and the 3rd Dynamic we had created.

    But every day, as much as I can, I take little steps towards having that again. I won’t give up on that dream of mine and LRH’s. I don’t care how many say to give up or let go or transcend or push one to do so, I won’t. It’s too valuable.


    P.S. Loved this: “Out here everyone is right, and they let you know it.”

    • I won’t give up on that dream of mine and LRH’s. I don’t care how many say to give up or let go or transcend or push one to do so, I won’t. It’s too valuable.

      Beautiful, neither will I !!! 🙂

    • Chris, right on, right on, right on.

      There is NO GREATER SATISFACTION than making an auditor who can then audit and who then makes pcs have massive cognitions and then change their lives for the better. I love it.

      And I love supervising TRs courses. I had a gal one day, who was trying to confront and failing, said “I guess I can’t do this.” I said “Of course you can’t, that’s why you’re doing the drill”. She had a big cog, went back to the drill and passed it. She used to send me letters thanking me.

      Ah yes, the good days.

      “I been kicked and whipped and trampled on
      I been shot at just like you

      But as long as the world keeps a-turnin’
      I just keep a-turnin’ too
      Hey, hey, so I guess I’m doin’ fine

      Well, my road might be rocky
      The stones might cut my face

      But as some folks ain’t got no road at all
      They gotta stand in the same old place
      Hey, hey, so I guess I’m doin’ fine.” – Dylan

      ML Tom

  3. Tom, Well I liked what you had to say a lot. Chris’ comment is as well a good one and true for me too.

    My org staff were my life for so long. The family outside of the one you have through bloodlines. There were so many good times with so many good people doing what we agreed was the most important thing we could be doing day in and day out.

    But with all that I miss there is absolutely no way to put the genie back in the bottle. I would have to sacrifice my sanity to go back down that road of deception, lies and spiritual manipulation and at it’s worst, destruction.

    The actions in helping others is something my life would be empty without and so I build and keep building on that point and the world around me will be what it becomes as I do so.

    Best to you Tom,

    If you’re in my neck of the woods you have a seat at our table anytime.


    • Thanks Gayle for your nice comments. Lovely to have you here.

      You state that you absolutely can’t put the genie back in the bottle – but considering we are the genie’s we can frankly go anywhere we want, create a new bottle, or jug, or urn, and we can shape and control any world we are in.

      Theta is always conquering MEST and enturbulated theta (entheta). To the degree we know and apply the fundamentals and technology, we are not effect of Miscavige, or the group bank he has stirred up.

      The genie is actually capable of anything that can be postulated.

      And that, in itself, is sufficient hope for me 🙂

    • Thanks Gayle, as I said before you are a wordcrafter I agree that that particular genie is gone. But there are other genies and we need to bring them to life for the next generation.

      Thanks for the invite, I shall take you up on that when I’m n that neck of the woods, or marsh, I should say.

      ML Tom

  4. Thank you for the reminder, Tom, and thank you Tom and Chris.

    Yes, I would go back in a flash. LRH’s third dynamic tech is a wonder! Ron clarified things with his own vocabulary and this really did accelerate comm cycles and actions. Exhilaration! ARC and Understanding. And yes, we went to the Greek restaurants too and had a great time all round, including parties. I didn’t mind having a second job and working all hours – it wasn’t working in the outside world sense. I absolutely adored my job. The clever org board and staff hatting, boisterous academy crowds, beaming pcs coming out of exams, proud auditors (royalty), deep love for my fellow staff members, a group purpose like no other – how can you beat that! It didn’t matter that the org was an overcrowded dump with bric-a-brac furniture – the atmosphere was electric! I’m not making this up!

    I hated being by-passed by outside management and being made to feel I didn’t own the group. I didn’t enjoy green on white being violated by ‘orders,’ nor missionaires with no understanding of camaraderie, life on the shop floor, paying for org stuff out of your own pocket, on the front line, on the breadline, handling vast quantities of new public. We had drills, keep-fit, group auditing that was miles more inspiring than heavy, in your face lectures.

    We wanted the public to have wins because that was our bread and butter – they came back later with a friend! It was safe. The basic laws of flows applies: you reach for someone and what do they do? They withdraw of course! Therefore, pushing at people is no fun at all; but getting them to reach – oh joy!

    Some people joined staff only because they wanted a job; they got hatted, got carried away with our enthusiasm – and cogged! Some didn’t, but that was okay, too.

    There was plenty not to like on staff, but it was always either out-tech, off policy or out-ethics. So simple, really.

  5. Hi Tom,
    I fully fully fully understand your misses. Feel just the same.
    If you are off the CoS now it maybe will be hard to find a similar place to be. If there exists one at all in tis sizes etc.
    But what about a new online-video-thing?
    Lets create a real meeting point for us.
    Think ww.
    Courseroom included, 24/7 …
    Complete Org setup.
    This is no blabla. Pls. think big enough and think about advantages for the public and what they can change then. And they will do – I promise – as the speed will go up!

    • That’s hard to confront, Ingrid. There’s a big void there.

      I remember when we got telexes from him and the LRH Comm would read them. Magic times. Then he always signed them off – “Love = Ron”.

      He was a cheer leader on our lines and he really pushed us all on to become great. Getting letters from Ron was special. I got about fifteen of them myself. He always had fun answers.

      Good times.

      ML Tom

  6. Tom, you’re a hell of a writer and a hell of a being. I second all the things you and others on this thread miss and don’t miss. The “virtual” comm I’ve had on this site is light years ahead of anything I’ve experienced in a decade, but it still doesn’t come close to what you’re talking about. Do we need a new Indie summit? A time and place where real indie Scns can gather together, share the group wins, make some goals and help each other plan strategies to make them happen? Although I admire Marty in many ways, I don’t think he is the one to head up the next summit.

  7. Hear hear, Tom. I also miss having a brick and mortar meeting place where so many good people come together to help one another with Ron’s incredible tech.

    I’ve had a hard time putting that longing into words that don’t key in my fellow refugees from The Cult That Stole Our Church. For the time being, I’ve left it on the back burner while our people go through the necessary stages of disenturbulation and destimulation. We’ve experienced a great and catastrophic loss together, and this is a time of healing.

    As time goes on, we Indies will grow stronger, as the cult shrinks into powerlessness. In the not-too-distant future, I believe we’ll finally see Independent Scientology organizations forming up and hanging out the ‘Open For Business’ signs. I very much look forward to that day when we can again have places where we F/N just walking through the door.

  8. I recall that despite this, that or the other blunder, failing, injustice, or even extreme WTF! going on, there was an overarching purpose that was something few other activities, if any, had – there was hope that something could be done and there are answers to life that make life new, exciting, and with a future that I can assume a position of cause over, rather than being blown around by.

    That reality, for me, that Scientology DOES work, is what has proven out. In spades.

    When I’ve been facing confusions, overwhelming at times, I’ve had a skill I gained in my early days, of being able to be there and confront. No matter what has come down the pike, I can let it come, and be there and face it. Sooner or later, whatever it is, it simplifies, and I’ve made my way past another of the barriers on to better games.

    What I have gained in the entire experience of staff, S.O., now in the field, and over the past decades, has been way more than the price of admission to this thing. Way, way more.

  9. Hey Tom,

    I totally duplicate what you wrote 🙂

    I was just on the EPF and sometimes I do just miss having a team that is just so, well, amazing !

    Being ARCxen isn’t cool at all.

    I remember when someone would always be Dev-T, but I couldn’t tell him because he didn’t know the terms..

    Anyway, just wanted to let you know that you’re not alone !

    Great write BTW. so theta 😉

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