By Lana M.
Just wanted to communicate a win.
I have two boys, as many of you know — one is 9 years old and the other is 5. Both are lively and good natured, but as they have grown there are routinely disputes between the two. Not uncommon, as any parent knows, but a challenge nevertheless.
Over the last 6 months it has worsened to a point where my oldest has been getting very nattery about his younger brother, and it has become routine that he will get very irritated by his actions and then lash out, yell, punch or kick. There is a large difference in size and the result is always tears – normally on both sides – as the 5 year old is smaller but resourceful and clever, so he will use his nails to retaliate, or he will simply wait for another time to break something, push buttons or place a well aimed whack.
I have been working to resolve this situation and have tried education on TWTH (which improved things for a while) and have educated them on overts, withholds and their consequences — but my oldest has not been receptive, instead firmly on a motivator and victim flow.
Tonight, I finally got headway.
Simple little process: “What has (brother) done to you?” followed by “What have you done to (brother)?” Once he was actually in session and really looking and answering the questions, OMG — instant TA. We got yawns. We got giggles. We got comm lags. And then we got a cognition.
Kept it light and simple — but persisted till we took it to a good point and EP.
There will be more — but I had a win getting a child to step outside of a constant overt/motivator flow and look at what HE has been doing that has been contributing to the situation.