Home

paper dolls

By Lana M

“A human being will revolt against and distrust any source which contributes to him more than he contributes to it.” LRH, New Slant on Life

Raising a young family is always an interesting journey, and as my kids grow (now 10yrs and 6yrs) we have moved to a new phase in my household where all have to contribute.

I will freely admit, this is not the way it has always been.

My bad habit has been doing things myself, as when children are young it is often the easier route than spending time forcing (or enticing, encouraging or bribing) them to contribute.

And I also have a consideration that a child forced to “help” against their own will  does not generate responsibility but only resentment – so I have been patiently waiting for their individual responsibility and capacity to increase — which it has now done (thankfully).

I love my children, as all parents do, and it brings me pleasure to help and care for them — but I now need to hold myself back and insist that they contribute as a family member and no longer rely on “mummy” (*Australian spelling) to be some sort of servant or slave to their every need.

I am consciously working to change habits and activities in this household — and it is working. The wheels are turning and the kids now know that they are expected to assist and contribute and that this is part of their job and hat as family members. There are few to no arguments and little whining or whinging – which is really heartening. The basic chores, jobs and responsibilities garner contribution so that they are creating and caring and building this household.

In Australia, just as in many other countries, there is a real “cotton wool’ kids phenomena.  A large majority of kids are driven to school and rarely walk or ride. They attend lots of extra-curricular activities (sports, music/dance, etc.) and are generally surrounded by a multitude of mass produced toys — but there is little that they actually contribute to the family.

Obviously this is a generality and does not apply to every family or every child — but it is a certainly something that is predominant and evidence of revolting (excuse the pun) kids and teenagers are visible locally and broader afield.

Wouldn’t it be wonderful if was generally known and understood that exchange is what keeps a person’s bank off them?

Wouldn’t it be great if the general culture expected that children and teens contribute to their families as much as their families contribute to them?

And wouldn’t it be a different world if this was applied more generally on the 3rd dynamic?

Heck — even looking at the revolts that are occurring inside and outside of the Church of Scientology shows that there are inequities in terms of contribution…

But ESMB will probably disagree with me (LOL).

31 thoughts on “Distrust and revolt

  1. I agree with your ideas about having children contribute. LRH explained the why on this in his article about the welfare state.

    Now here is my rant about the current Church of Scientology and exchange.

    I started in the church as a staff member at a mission. I was often paid each week with a roll of quarters because I needed them to ride the bus. My staff pay barely covered my bus fare each week. During this time at the mission, I developed software (from scratch) to handle their Central Files.

    Joining the Sea Org meant I no longer had to worry about money because food and berthing are included.

    If the church had simply told me that I was required to work in the Sea Org for 3 years before I had earned a repair auditing session, then I would have known what I was working toward. Instead, it felt like endless years of being a crew member would never be enough.

    I didn’t join the Sea Org to go up the Bridge. I wanted to contribute to my third dynamic (and more) and lend a hand. Production is the basis of morale. My recruiters understood I wasn’t on the Bridge when they recruited me. I was told that crew members could go up the Bridge in the Sea Org. But this appears to be a half-truth as most crew I met only went up the Bridge while on the RPF.

    I didn’t care if I was on the Bridge or not. Then when I did my EPF, I graduated and received my Fitness Board only to informed I wasn’t qualified for Flag-level because I wasn’t on the Bridge. I contacted the Senior HAS Int about being traded down to a lower management org, but I was told I was harassing her. In the end, I received a posting order from a RTC mission which arbitrarily ignored my lack of qualifications.

    Later after briefly blowing from the Sea Org, I returned coincidentally after DM announced the IRS victory. He ordered new staff and crew to go into full-time tech training. I had been traded down to ASHO Fdn, so I was told I would be on full-time training to do the SHSBC! (Awesome to be told — but obviously too good to be true.) Then a few months into my training, the CO became concerned I wasn’t qualified to do the SHSBC. She asked me in the middle of a crew meeting in her office if I was Clear or not. I told her I wasn’t, so I was taken off training.

    After I was declared, I received my Freeloader’s Debt. I was told that after working as staff and crew, I was out-exchange for having been allowed to work for the church in any role.

      • Paul,

        Thank you for your understanding. I believe the label of “cruel mistress” can only be used by Scientologists who received auditing or technical training in the Church of Scientology in exchange for their work or money. For Scientologists such as myself who were jerked around for no reason, the Church of Scientology is mostly a useless pile of garbage devoid of any redeeming qualities other than their publication of LRH materials.

        The key question when I left the church was: “Do I want others to be jerked around needlessly while calling it Scientology?” I decided within my own Doubt formula that the church was doing more harm than good.

        I could be wrong. Perhaps there is much good being done by the church today, but I haven’t seen the evidence of this production.

        The primary product of the current Church of Scientology seems to be unhappy memoir writers.

        ARC,
        — Jonathon

        • JB:

          As for your Doubt formula, you can only endeavor to observe the observable and act on what you see. Anything beyond that would be beyond the scope of your formula. I agree with the conclusion you reached, as I think would most of us in the Field.

          Paul

    • Jonathon, I don’t mean to be flippant about what happened to you, and if this is upsetting to you, you should get in touch with an auditor close to you.

      But there is an excellent movie that describes your (and our) experiences and that puts a humorous spin on it. It is called “Private Benjamin” with Goldie Horn, where she is trying to explain to the Sergent, after much hard work and verbal abuse, that, “this is not the army I joined” as it didn’t have swimming pools, lots of time off etc as the army was advertised to be.

      I wont tell you the SO I joined up for, because that kid (me) was pretty stupid 🙂

      • 4a,

        Let’s get something straight. I wasn’t a lazy slacker who wanted to lounge by the pool while others worked. I had already been on staff and had no delusions about the work I would do, the hours I worked, the food, the low pay or any of that stuff. If anything, I was pleasantly surprised when I did arrive in the SO that it was better than I expected.

        The major thing missing for me in the Sea Org was Scientology. And without Scientology, why would I give a damn about the SO or the church?

        — Jonathon

  2. Lana:

    I would probably have started your children earlier in contributing. I don’t know, but I imagine Ron used children of all ages as messengers on the Apollo. And I imagine that part of the calculation was that the impulse to help is deeply ingrained in thetans, and the successful contribution of a thetan contributes a great deal to what might be called their self-worth or self-esteem. Gives them something to be proud of, and keeps the little blighters out of trouble. 😉 There are also quotes somewhere about how production keeps the bank from collapsing on a person. It makes space around the person.

    Your LRH quote brings up an anecdote related to me by a one-time boss. I was in the electrical (house construction) business, and this guy was the owner of the company. He told me one time that he had a deal where the electricians working for him, instead of making an hourly wage, were paid the lion’s share of the profit on any job they did. They were getting paid a lot of money. And after a short time, the system self destructed, because the guys were just getting paid too much. So there’s a real life example of exactly what LRH was talking about.

    I don’t know this personally, but I imagine part of the psychosis that seems to affect most movie stars is this exact phenomenon– they get paid far too much for the amount of work they put in to work on movies. Their banks collapse on them, I imagine. Add the inevitable SPs following them around and you have an altogether unhealthy working environment. (Yes, I know that those a bit further down the scale in the film business get paid a lot less.)

    I don’t recall when I first insisted my daughter contribute. Probably shortly after her mom and I got married (she’s actually my step-daughter and was 5 when her mom and I married). It didn’t have to be much, but it had to be something. Later, we made her cook and such. She wasn’t fond of this, but now knows how and enjoys cooking for her family.

    When I was a kid, my dad bought me my first car, but made me pay for it over time. When my dad got a bug up his butt about re-sodding the lawn, we boys were all recruited to help. We took turns taking out the trash, a boy’s job. And I understood that my dad worked all day so we’d have clothes to wear, food to eat, etc. Mom stayed home and cooked (great) meals, did laundry and acted as our “counselor” when things got us down. So when it came time for me to contribute, I wasn’t exactly enthused, but I did understand the equation. There were no free rides, so to speak. By the time I left home, I knew how to cook, clean, do laundry, make my bed, take care of a bank account and all the rest of the things normal humans might have to do in a normal world.

    There’s more than just LRH’s advice involved here. There is some conventional wisdom. In today’s world, kids typically get away with doing nothing as they are glued to their Ipads, Iphones, game consoles and not encouraged to get involved in physical activities. The school system fills their heads with a bunch of self-esteem nonsense and politically correct crap. These children will not survive well in the real world, and will be the first in line, waiting for a government hand-out to make their lives “worthwhile”. They will be miserable and ill equipped to survive. Our commentators in the States often lament the sad state of the newly adult citizens here. Businesses decry the sad state of affairs, as their pool of “qualified” recruits shrinks. Not to mention that these people are poorly adjusted socially.

    The sooner children understand the idea that the world works on exchange, and understand how they fit into that equation, the better. We have whole populations of inner city children who think that all they should have to do is show up and they should be automatically admired and contributed to. “Reality” TV makes them think that it takes almost no talent at all for fate to grant them fame and fortune. They often end up in gangs and on drugs. Our governments have made it more difficult every year to survive, given crushing taxes and regulation.

    Another angle on this is: how much respect will children have for others when they are exclusively concerned with their own well-being? When they’ve never had to contribute to the world around them?

    One last point I’ll make on this: rural children have a much better time on all this than city children. There are a great many duties to take care of on a farm, or what the Aussies might call a “station”. Children are, of necessity, called upon to contribute. In the process, they learn self-reliance, self-determinism, humility, manners, and are generally more admirable and enjoyable to be around. They do tend to have some contempt for city kids who can’t wipe their butts without assistance, understandably. But in the end, they will be far more well-equipped for life than their city counterparts. Even if they ultimately end up living in the city.

    Lana, one of the best things you’ve done for your kids so far is to encourage their independence. Continue to do this. It’s more or less unrelated to making them contribute. But it’s extremely important for their future well-being. My mom encouraged this in me, and we seldom had conflicts because of it. I grew up in the days where “long hair” was an issue, for example (1960s, 70s). When my hair started getting a bit too long, she might comment that it was probably getting close to time for a cut. I’d usually agree, and in a week or so, I’d go get it cut. This was my call, not hers, but I kept her opinion in mind in making my decision to get it cut. (My mother now teasingly regrets instilling that independent streak in me. Little does she know it was fully realized at the moment I emerged from the birth canal and before.)

    My two cents worth (I accept Paypal). 😉

    Paul

    • Thanks Paul. Your two cents is always worth a lot more.

      I have insisted my kids contribute — but it has been hit and miss and not a consistent approach, and that is what I am now working to build on. They are good kids, and they help willingly and when I compare them with a number of their peers, they are intelligent, sane and competent. I am proud of them. 🙂

      • Lana:

        Yeah, but as always, kids are kids. Gradients. But you know that already. 😉

        It’s interesting. Kids like yours, raised as you have raised them, tend to have a lot more respect for other people than other kids. They tend to be what the psychs (sorry) would call “well-adjusted” (I wish I had better terminology).

        Anyway, you’re doing a great job. Keep us informed. Your wins with them are great fun to hear about. And instructive. In fact, you might want to keep notes and write up your hat one day.

        Paul

  3. “And wouldn’t it be a different world if this was applied more generally on the 3rd dynamic?”

    There was a time not too long ago when it was applied. At the create stage of this western civilization. Then the welfare state hit and being the victim came into fashion. Bodies became more important than integrity, to the point where today we get the cotton wool kids.

    Sometimes I think of coming back to this society, as it is, compared to when I grew up, and I just know it aint goin to be for me.

    As to the esmb crowd not agreeing with you Lana. If you look at the names, you will find it is usually only several who get each other worked up, but as LRH says they do have the knack of being able to generalize, and make you feel like it is more.

    But I can guarantee you, even if they were all together, face to face, in a room, their love bombing would be nauseating. I know this from experience.

    • 4a:

      The ESMB crowd, left to their own devices, would self-destruct. It is in their nature. Miscavige will do so, Rathbun will do so. The harm they do is simply too much to bear in the long term. And being low toned and/or devoted to an evil cause, they seal their own fates.

      Paul

        • “Dulloldfart” (Paul) was the practical course supervisor at ITO when I studied there.

          I don’t recognize the names of the other commenters on that site, but I assume they were our fellow Scientologists at one time and then they (like us) became disgusted with David Miscavige and his suppressive Church of Scientology.

          • JB:

            Just to be clear, the “Dulloldfart” (Paul) you are speaking of was not me. I attended ITO for my OEC, but I never worked there. I assume this person is someone who frequents ESMB, but I don’t know, since I never go there.

            Paul

            • Paul,

              Paul Adams (“Dulloldfart”) was the practical course supervisor when I studied at ITO. I had to demonstrate to him how to correctly use a damp rag to clean the dust from a table. He also supervised me on the STCC. At some point he became disaffected with Scientology and appears to now be a regular on ESMB.

              Paul Foster (“scatjappers”) is a regular on the Milestone Two blog. I know nothing more about him. He said he did the OEC at ITO.

              I only visited ESMB recently because of Lana’s comment. I never registered with their forum because I’m not an ex-Scientologist plus they have a strict moderation policy against people who disagree with them. (The only thing worse than arguing in public about Scientology is not being permitted to respond or having that response edited by someone else.)

              ARC,
              — Jonathon

        • LM:

          Agreed. I’ve long since lost interest in whatever it is they’re peddling. And I never much cared in the first place. Knowing their eventual fate does tickle me, though. Kind of a shame, really, but a richly deserved one.

          Paul

  4. Hello Lana! We have applied those data with our little daughter. She was so eager to contribute. She is 12, starting to be nasty, always served like a little princess! And now she is washing the dishes and singing! Thank you. it’s a pleasure to have again real scientology advices!
    FG

  5. I don’t expect to comment much here. :). This is a copy of what I posted today on ESMB,

    I like Lana. I thought her comments this time were quite sensible. Other cultures, other times, all members of a family contribute their time and effort to its survival except those who are too sick, who get cared for as feasible.

    Scatjappers’ comments were mostly sensible too.

    It seems that ESMB (generality) and M2 (generality) have this feud going, and nothing that one says is acceptable to the other. Most of the exes here thought the same way (as M2) about Hubbard and Scn once. I did.

    Anyway, don’t let me interfere with everyone’s fun.

    Paul

    • Thanks Paul. I like you too.

      You were a good SOLO Course Supervisor at AOLA (where I had my first effort to get onto the upper levels back in the early 90’s). You will be happy to know I did eventually get onto the OT levels (having completed the SOLO Course 3 times) and I have been on SOLO NOTs now for 2 years and absolutely loving it. It is a real failing of the C of S to have had a dedicated Sea Org member as yourself on such a post and never gotten you to OT as well — but I guess that general issue is why both of us are no longer SO members or within the C of S.

      Just to clarify — there is no feud between MS2 and ESMB. I rarely look at the ESMB platform, other than when my MS2 platform indicates there are a bunch of referrals from ESMB to some posted article on MS2. And each time there is commentary on what is happening over at MS2, routinely (sorry this is not a generality) with less than positive things to say about myself and others who frequent here.

      It actually does not bother me how many people do or do not like me — and it is not the first time people have called me a poo-poo head, numb nut or the like. Heck — David Miscavige and Marty Rathbun both called me names that were far worse.

      You and all that post regularly on ESMB are welcome to your own views, though I certainly do not share the same reality regarding Scientology (which is why the ESMB commentary is generally less than complimentary about myself and the MS2 crowd.).

      To my knowledge we have never made a personal comment or attack on any individual person at ESMB (at least not to my knowledge) – though there is certainly a view that it is a platform where people get together and promote hatred and general nastiness, which frankly, is not healthy for anyone, let alone those participating in it (regardless of who it targets).

      But again, we are not here to feud, argue or attempt to censor. It is your platform and there is an ARC of sorts that exists between those that post — and that is what holds it together and continues the platform after so many years.

      We don’t plan to interfere with anyone’s fun either — so over to you. 🙂

      • Hi Lana,

        I was the Solo-OT3 sup at AOSHUK in the early 80s. In the early 90s I was probably the staff courses sup in ITO when you first arrived at CMO IXU. I remember you arriving in the courseroom but I don’t think I ever sup’d you. I also sup’d some FCB staff on OT1-3 in the HGB around that time, but I never sup’d at AOLA.

        As for the differences of opinion, well, each to his/her own. 🙂

        Paul

        • Aha! That’s right! It must have been ITO when I was in CMOIXU which was even earlier on the time track (in the late 80’s) that I remember you from.

          On opinions, yes — each to his own. 🙂

    • Paul,
      I thought this li’l snip from a recent blog article from Ian here on MS2, put up by Chris Black in the comments, was apropos of what I’ve read about various MS2 individuals over on ESMB (reading the commentary there for the same reason Lana pointed out – the rash of interest from ESMB for something over here). The definition of “mean” that I think fits for the aforementioned ESMBers that indulge in the heretofore remarked “nassy” would be ” offensive, selfish, or unaccommodating; nasty; malicious”.

      Truly, to be fair to all of us, including you and your fellows on the other forum, I think the following is insightful, not because Ron Hubbard said it, but because an actual honest look by a being that can step outside things for at least a moment will confirm the wisdom.

      “If a person is very, very mean to you, the chances are they don’t know you. That’s the best chance in the world that they don’t know you. They’re very mean to you. How could you guarantee they don’t know you? Well, that’s very, very obvious, for the excellent reason that A-R-C added up together comprise knowingness.
      And this is understanding which expands and expands and expands and becomes more knowing and more knowing and more knowing. You can be further and further from things and know what they’re all about, in other words.

      “Don’t worry about people who are mean to you or who get mad at you. There’s no reason to worry about them at all. They’re not even getting mad at you. They don’t know where you are, who you are, or anything else. That is people going around trying to be understood. Why try to be understood? Why not try to fix up people so they can understand.

      “That’s why Man can be basically good and be considered to be the foulest beast on the face of the Earth. Simply, as his affinities go down, his communication and agreements go to pieces too.” LRH
      (From a Lecture given on the 28th of July, 1954, Entitled: ARC – As-Isness)

      • JL:

        Nice quote. I’ve found it to be true. I’m generally a pretty laid back guy. While it takes me a while to get used to a person (or people), I’m normally courteous and respectful, and I normally greet people with a smile and firm handshake. The better/longer I know someone, the more my sense of humor and personality peeks out. And I’m generally tolerant, even of people who are routinely corrosive. If I don’t like someone, I just don’t associate with them, rather than attacking or approaching them with rudeness.

        But I have met people who dislike me from the outset, when I’ve done nothing to them to warrant their dislike. And the only possible explanation I’ve ever been able to come up with is that something about me is hitting against something on their track. Or that they have something, some overt or something, that I’m unintentionally missing on them. (This last, I think, is the more likely.) When I encounter people like this, and they’re actively snotty, I apply “good roads and fair weather” and generally avoid them.

        Paul

  6. There is no limit to the amount of love that children can absorb.

    You can can always clearly and with great love communicate what the channels (boundaries) are for kids, and what the expectations are for them. It may create some psychic dissonance for them, due to the false data and active suppression going on in the outside society they live, but they can easily get over that.

    If talking to them simply and with love doesn’t handle them then they need some additional technical work – ethics, tech or admin, and assistance to handle it.

    I’m always acting as a Guardian Angel for my kids, grandkids and now great-grand kid.

    If ethics is needed, keep it light, and on the right gradient, and remember what LRH said, quoting Clausewitz – you apply it until you get a change in the direction you want, and then you back off. Ethics is reason and contemplation of optimum survival ,and that is what you want very much for your children.

    Dynamics and life is active, you move , you act. It’s not thinking and talking. And as you said, proper action and activity leads to more space (beingness) and reach, and fun. All beings like having a purpose, and a job, and want to contribute to the groups they belong to. Encourage it greatly.

    And love the hell out of them.

    As I do all of you.

    Life “It’s not just an engram, it’s an adventure.”

    BTW I live out in the country in the State of Montana now, and it is amazing to see all the hard working, bright shiny kids out here, compared to the LA area. People smile here all the time, and wave to each other, strangers or not, and we have clean open space for miles and miles.

    Again there is no limit to the amount of love that a child, or any of us, can absorb.

    Try to see if you can exceed it.

    Admire and validate the hell out of everyone.

    It’s much more fun that way!

    ML,
    Doc

    • JDW:

      Love your characterization of people in your (rural) area. I grew up in the very cosmopolitan city of Dallas, Texas. Although it is a huge “metroplex”, being in the South, it still has some of that “southern” feel to it. Pride, manners, respect for others, etc. But I’ve also lived in the country (rural). And what you say is very true about those people. You pass someone in the country and they wave and smile. They hold the door for you and are friendly and courteous from the start. The need for voluntary shared efforts (my dad was part of the volunteer fire dept in the country) and the amount of space between people affects their viewpoint about others in their environment. There are not pampered people in the country, unless they retired there with money. If they want anyone to like them or associate with them, they will conform to the norm there: courtesy and respect. Somewhere, and I’ve forgotten where, Ron talks about about how the general amount of space between people has a huge influence on their politics and their attitudes toward others.

      I also lived in LA for a number of years, and I’m aware of the difference in the kids there.

      And lastly, I agree with your comments about love and children. There is no greater universal solvent with kids than love. Kids are starved for it, and respond very positively to it. Incidentally, it’s incredibly important that that love also extend between parents as well. Nothing is more destabilizing to children than friction and discord between mother and father. You want children who are ill and unpleasant? Have spouses who routinely argue and fight with each other. Children have an uncanny sixth sense about the attitude between mom and dad. They pick up on it right away and will respond to it “subconsciously” in profound ways.

      Paul

  7. Ron talks about the space in the west, and it’s effects in both the Melbourne Congress and the 1st Melbourne ACC
    Doc

  8. “Only ones,” David Miscavige and SPs can’t even imagine their children becoming equal to themselves. I’ve observed families where the adult (or middle-aged) children aren’t permitted to grow up and become responsible adults in their own right.

    Children are ultimately about the future. If you recognize them to be your future replacement(s), then you can take responsibility for training them well enough to adequately replace you when you’re gone.

What is your view?

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s