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By Lana

I live in a rural community and access to my place is along a 5 km stretch of dirt road. On a regular basis an elderly man is walking his German Shepard along the road.

The first day I saw him was some 5 years ago and I stopped and introduced myself. Seamus and his dog Magic, have ever since been friends.  Though we live about 4km apart, his walk along the stretch of road means that virtually every day there is a wave, a horn, or a road-side chat. Come rain, hail, beating sun, frost, wind or dust (and my road sure does get dusty in the warmer months), Seamus and Magic go walking the same route (almost 10 kms).

Then two years ago Seamus disappeared for weeks and this turned into months. We were worried and made enquiries and found out he had bowel cancer and was going through treatment. Magic no longer got the daily walks and instead travelled in the back of his car to the hospital every day. We sent cards and flowers and messages, many times. We missed him. We worried about him.

Luckily, Seamus is a fighter and made it through. When he reappeared on our road walking Magic, we jumped out of the car to give him hugs and kisses.

Unfortunately within months he disappeared again, however he was not ill this time. Instead his wife had been diagnosed with breast cancer and only had 8 weeks to live. Her passing was a severe shock and it was several months before we saw Seamus and Magic again. He had been with his wife for over 50 years and the loss had a significant impact on him.

That was over a year ago.

Since that point our regular conversations, chats and exchanges since that time are well loved. My new puppies (now 5 months old) were quickly introduced to Seamus and Magic. He has kept up to date on the adventures of my children, my challenges with my small goat herd, etc. And he let’s me know about his world, his challenges and adventures. It is a casual friendship — with both of us knowing where we live but no exchange of phone numbers or even last names.

Then last Monday morning – driving down the road taking my kids to school, I passed Seamus on the road. I looked for Magic, but she was not there.

I called out the window “Where is Magic?” and Seamus put his head down, kept walking and did not answer. I pulled over, jumped out of the car and approached him with the same question.

Seamus would not answer my question, instead saying he did not want to talk about it and would rather keep walking. He was out of communication.

I stopped him and questioned him further until I found out that Magic had passed away unexpectedly, just two days earlier. Seamus was severely struck with grief and loss — telling me that since he lost his wife, his precious dog had been a virtual shadow and close companion, and without her he has lost everything.

He cried. And I stood holding him tightly right there on the road as he sobbed. I had him tell me what happened, over and over until he felt he had communicated it well.

Then he said he had decided that it is the wrong thing to love — as it just results in loss.

I replied that one should never make decisions when sad or angry — and Magic had been blessed to have such a loving owner and we could not have deprived her of that.

“The solution”, I said, ” is to love more — not less”. “You need a new puppy to bless with that love!”

He did not agree.

I hugged him again – long and hard.  A good solid communication.

He wanted to keep walking and I told him to keep looking out at trees and the sky and the mountains and the fields. I told him I would see him tomorrow and will hug him every day until he feels OK.

The next day I saw him again, pulled over and again gave him a long hug. I got him to tell me how he was doing and how it was going. He told me, with a grimace, and then continued his walk.

The next day I stopped again. I gave him a smile and said “Here is your daily hug!”. He smiled this time, which was a nice change, and then said that he had told his son that morning that the daily hugs and communication had really helped to cheer him up and make him feel better. He had been reflecting on my comments about love and was going to call the dog breeder that he had gotten Magic from 5 years ago.

As a further opportunity to talk I invited him to my place for dinner on Saturday night and he said he would see if he was available.

I was interstate for the next 2 days and did not see Seamus on the road, but Saturday arrived and Seamus showed up at my house with the good news that he had gone to see the dog breeder that he got Magic from 5 years earlier, and she had told him that due to her own health condition she was no longer going to be breeding or selling dogs. She had an 18 month German Shepard female that needed a home and she was 1/2 sister to Magic. There was no cost and the dog was beautiful.

Seamus drank wine with us, enjoyed a nice meal and then sat on the verandah and talked for hours. We laughed and played with my dogs (and goats). He told us about his concern about his memory, which he has been having trouble with (he is 79 years old). We talked about Self Analysis processes and how he can use them to improve his recall – of all his senses – and he took a book home with him to try out.

Seamus said he could not believe how it was just a week since he lost his precious Magic, and he could not believe that he now had a new dog, a new challenge, a new friend to love. He was happy and no longer keyed in, restimulated or stuck in loss/grief.

We now have phone numbers, email addresses and we will be inviting him and his new dog over again in the near future.

It was my pleasure to help Seamus.

I look forward to seeing him walk his new dog “Fury” on my road in weeks and months to come.

34 thoughts on “Dealing with loss

  1. What an awesome story, Lana. Very well done in helping this fine gentleman get through his grief and find new purpose on the other side. I hope Seamus and Fury have a long and happy relationship.

  2. A beautiful story, and shows what a bit of kindness, goodwill and communication can achieve.
    Quite a contrast to the professional counselling that gets promoted in government and corporate offices. I’d forgotten how low the expectations of people with no knowledge of scientology, dianetics – or for that matter any other spiritual disciplines – can be until I had to watch a promotional video for an ’employee assistance program’. It featured a former colleague who had escaped from a near-fatal car accident without any serious injury. He had been going to counselling regularly for months and hoped that eventually he would not have this one incident hanging there as a stuck picture. And this is what they call successful counselling!
    I think Self Analysis was the perfect choice. It validates a person’s ability to recall and evaluate their own experiences, instead of encouraging them to become dependant on a counsellor.

    • For a brief period in my pre-teens I was giving my mom problems. So I got sent to a psychologist. I’d go an hour a week. What did this guy do? Shuffle papers at his desk and look busy. I sat there in the chair, looking around the room. He obviously was waiting for me to originate. Then he recommended I also go to periodic “group” therapy, with a bunch of other kids. I think I went once to that, and noticed that all those kids were WAY messed up compared to me. After a month or so, I realized that this was costing my parents money for no benefit, and decided there really wasn’t any good reason for me to give my mom a hard time. So I told my parents that there was no need for me to go anymore, and that I’d be “good” from now on, and I apologized. No more psychologist.

      I bring this up to reinforce Dave Cooke’s point. Look at what this supposed “expert” was doing for his money: NOTHING! This is what passes for “counseling” sometimes.

      Imagine if Lana had proceeded on this basis. Seamus would probably be dead now. I’m convinced she literally saved his life.

      Another point here is that, as well as being Seamus’s “counselor”, she’s also his neighbor. How cool would it be if everyone had neighbors like this? What kind of a world would it be if all your neighbors were able and willing to assist in this way? What kind of a world might you have then? Certainly a much happier, peaceful one.

      Paul

      • It worries me that many communities in the world have been promoted as so dangerous that people won’t talk to each other and live essentially in small bubbles where there is little contact, knowledge, reality or care for those around them.

        I am a Cub Scout leader and constantly work to get my gang of 20+kids to look, reach, approach, care and have respect for others.

        The rural community I live in is not big in population but very much has the personal contact that I think is vital for a 3rd dynamic to thrive. One family that lives just above the bread line but is made up of caring and hardworking individuals has an incident 10 days ago. The father was in a head on car accident. He ended up in hospital with severe injuries and will be off his feet for at least 6 to 9 months as they have to reconstruct his pelvis and hip. His young family have little other resource to survive. I started a GoFundMe campaign and had it circulated widely through the community through FB, local store, church group, community association and school. In just a week we raised over $10,000 and the family have received food and all manner of other assistance already. This will be enough money for them to survive for many months and takes the heat off and allows them to concentrate on healing and keeping the family on the up. I was so impressed with the compassion and care of those that live here for this small family that lives on a rural property some 20 km out of the village.

        I have visited the father in hospital several times and made sure he had a chin up and was making it through, and have also been in regular contact with his wife and have helped as needed.

        I think that if every person made a decision to help another (friend, family or stranger) every day then the world would be a different place.

        🙂

        • LM:

          There is something cold and impersonal about cities, and it has to do with space and anchor points. Rural communities are far more helpful, uptone and accepting. My home state (Texas) is a good example. I grew up in Dallas, but I’ve been all through the state, which is a vast expanse of empty land dotted with large and small communities.

          If we can’t get everyone trained and audited quickly, then what about a government sponsored PR campaign obliquely pointing out this problem and encouraging people to get to know and help their neighbors? The government is not good at delivering help, but it could be an agent for positive change this way, and spend a minimal amount in doing so.

          Yes, the world would be a different place.

          Paul

      • Well said, Paul. “How cool would it be if everyone had neighbors like this?” Absolutely! We don’t live in an ideal world, and only a few of us are willing to stick our necks out. For a Scientologist, especially a Clear, it’s the most rewarding thing going, to be aware of our fellow beings, their trials and tribulations, which we understand so well. Without a doubt, to help is a fantastic feeling like no other, and we have, at long last in this loony universe, some actual means by which we can.

        There are many religions and practices and beliefs in this world, yet so many of them are self-oriented, appealing to the tones and awareness levels of ‘only ones.’ To mention just one, their initials are, The Church of Scientology. Thank God we don’t belong there anymore, to that money-oriented black hole.

        In my experience, money is the last thing people want: they want ARC.

        Richard Kaminski
        Independent Scientologist UK

        • RK:

          Your mention of religions in this context is humorously ironic to me. If people actually read what Jesus Christ had to say in the Bible and followed his advice, they’d have more or less what we’re talking about here. He even routinely scolded his disciples about being elitist and excessively accusative. He was very egalitarian. But people get stuck on doctrine when it comes to religion. They listen but do not hear. This is why a lot of people have had a hard time with Scientology over the years. We have almost no doctrine, yet that’s how they mostly define their religions.

          By the way, Richard, money isn’t the last thing I want. It’s actually pretty high up on my list. ARC’s up there too, but if you find some extra money lying around you don’t need, you’re welcome to send it along. 😉

          Paul

          • Sure thing, Paul. I’d be glad to help out. I’ve got nearly £5 saved up this year so as to buy my dear mother a Christmas card. But you’re quite welcome. PS: I hope you’ll oblige by paying the postage as it weighs quite a lot in saved 1p and 2p pieces 🙂

    • So true David. I don’t know that people have low expectations but suspect they just don’t know that fast relief is possible as they have never experienced it.

      • That’s right, Lana: People don’t expect real relief. Our society is engineered to expectations from MEST, not theta. So when theta appears, it’s a surprise, a welcome one.

        Some of us are working outside the box, where I suspect most people secretly abide.

      • LM:

        It’s also true that “help” has been used in the past to cover for what is in fact sabotage.

        There’s a fun little movie called Knight and Day where our hero tells our heroine (both on the run from the “bad” guys) not to go with anyone who tells her they’re going to keep her “safe” by taking her to a “secure” location. Fact is, they’re going to take her to a darkened room somewhere, brutally interrogate her, and then probably kill her. It’s a running gag in the movie, but all too real in the MEST universe. In fact, some of the folks on this planet probably got here by being told someone was going to help them, and then they woke up here (a prison).

        And I can’t tell you how many times I’ve had a problem, and someone has cheerily fed me some LRH reference which did absolutely nothing for me, and in fact demonstrated their shallow understanding of the problem.

        Real, live, genuine help is such a surprise, that it blows down TA like crazy.

        Paul

  3. “On the day when we can fully trust each other, there will be peace on Earth.” LRH

    “When in doubt, communicate.” LRH

    “More communication, not less, is the answer.” LRH

  4. Lana, I too have missed reading any new blog posts the last couple of months, but am still hoping to see one soon.

    In the meantime, for those interested, Ken Urquhart has a new blog as of January. He’s writing about his experiences in Scientology and working directly with LRH – first as his butler in the early ’60s, later as LRH Communicator on the Apollo, and after that as the international executive on the post. He has some fascinating data about LRH. Here’s the link for the first post:

    http://urqbones.com/2017/01/05/introduction-brief/

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